Step-Parents and Their Non-Biological Children

After growing up with the same parent or parents for so many years, it can be really awkward and difficult for the children when one of them remarries. A way to help is to have the biological parent be the main disciplinarian, while the step-parent takes on a camp counselor role, which includes being in charge of the children, supervising them, but not really dishing out punishments, but telling the child’s parent or the camp leader what the child is up to, both the good and the bad. This should go on until the step-parent and the child are able to build up the type of relationship required, so the step-parent can place punishments, and the child respects the step-parent enough to follow through, which may take about two to five years. Other tips include moving into a new home, so it becomes “our” home, and not “their” home. Couples who have remarried stated having a shared pool of money works better than keeping their money separate. Also, children respond best to verbal displays of affection from the step-parent, instead of physical displays of affection. When the couple shows each other affection, it may be confusing to the children, who are used to their biological parents, not one of their parents and a stranger. The parents, therefore, should have dates and go out together, while leaving the children behind. This helps children cope with the changing parental figures in their life, and allows them to ease into their changing home environment.
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stepfamily.aspx